


I don't know why

by Luni_Ambrose



Category: Sunrise Avenue (Band)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 03:55:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16256162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luni_Ambrose/pseuds/Luni_Ambrose
Summary: !!!Triggerwarning!!!This story contains suicide!Don't read if this triggers you.





	I don't know why

**Author's Note:**

> !!!Triggerwarning!!!  
>  This story contains suicide!  
> Don't read if this triggers you.

The snow storm finally calmed down enough to leave the hotel. It’s after midnight and the silence is killing me. Headphones on, music on, world off.

Wandering around the city. No one seems to be outside. What should they? It’s freezing, the snow high and it’s the middle of the freaking night.

Finally finding the spot I always wanted to be. To spend the rest of my miserable life. Taking off the warm and cozy coat, sitting down on it in the wet, cold snow. For the first time in forever I feel alive. The ice cold air on my skin, in my lungs. I am alive. Slow, deep breaths.

I take out my phone, snapping a picture of the view and the sky.  
„I can’t see the stars but I know they’re waiting for me. Never felt more alive than right now. Thanks to everyone who joined my journey over the last years… I believe we will all see us again…someday.  
And a huge thank you to the band that saved me so many times before. I love you all. Keep doing what you do. It’s wonderful. But at the end I never found the strength to believe in what you told me.“

It just felt right to post this. To say goodbye and thank you. I knew my followers weren’t in the city and the band never really cared about social media posts. I tagged them. Rewatched a few old pictures of much happier times. Trying to say goodbye to those moments of happiness. Minutes passing by.  
It was time to let go. I turned off the music. The silence surrounded me immediately.

With the self-medication beforehand the bleeding wouldn’t stop. The first cuts weren’t deep enough. But the pain made me feel even more alive. Tears started streaming down my face.   
Another cut. Deep enough to really draw blood. I bit my lip. Damn, that was hurting so badly.  
Another cut. Warm blood running down the cold skin of my arm.   
Another cut. I knew this time I hit something. Trying to move my hand I realized I wasn’t able to move all my fingers anymore.   
Blood staining the snow.

Footsteps. Somebody running.   
There was no chance to hide. Not even to move.  
Another deep cut.

Somebody calling my name. I knew that voice…

I felt myself fading. My lids too heavy to keep my eyes open.

„Hey… hey.. come on… open your eyes…“  
He was there. My hero. My lifesaver. But I didn’t wanted to be saved. Not this time.  
But I tried to open my eyes. Just a tiny bit but enough to see him. Kneeling next to me.   
„It’s gonna be okay, little fighter.. I promise.“ He smiled, sitting in the snow. He pulled me close to him. My head resting on his legs.   
The sky was clear again. The stars sparkling above us.  
„Why?“ His voice was just a whisper to me. He seemed so far away.  
„I…I don’t know.. why..“ It took all my strength to keep my eyes open. I could see him cry. „…not your…fault..“

My eyes fell shut. I felt his warm lips kissing my forehead before finally everything faded.

 


End file.
